Ha ha! said Microsoft.

Single quotes turned into graphical characters that resembled quotes but were apparently unrecognized; spaces appeared between these mutant quotes and the internal values; my SELECT statement mysteriously appeared twice. I tried various fonts to see if the problem would be solved...nope. In short, I spent an aggravating 20 minutes trying to edit a query that should have taken 3 minutes to create and execute. All because MS created two products with text editing capabilities that don't appear to understand each other's methods of storing text data.