Oh, to be 17 again (see below)

I don't know from whence he came, or for what purpose, but I can't wait for the guy in the cubicle next to mine to move to a new one. He showed up this week, and has since been annoying the ever-loving bejeebuz out of me.

I don't ever see him actually doing any work, so he could very well be just some random person who manages to bypass security and shows up every day with his own laptop.

Today, he spent the morning loudly and slowly slurping a Diet Pepsi. Then he spent quite a while clicking his mouse very loudly while surfing every website in existence documenting The Apprentice and the lifestyle of Donald Trump. This was followed by an extensive period of restlessness and deep sighing, which segued neatly into lunchtime.

Lunch was, of course, eaten in the cubicle, and consisted of an evidently very juicy Taco Bell burrito, accompanied by -- you guessed it -- a Diet Pepsi. Diet Pepsi, you may recall, must be drunk slowly and as musically as possible. It's even better with a straw.

To wind down from the lunch activities, the mystery guy wandered over to the window and spent the next half hour noisily fiddling with the blinds. A casual observer might note that upon completion of the extensive blind adjustment, said blinds were in precisely the same position as before.

Resuming his place in the cubicle, the young man has proceeded to strap on a pair of headphones suitable for air traffic control, crank up what sounds suspiciously like the soundtrack to every Nintendo video game ever produced, and (yes, noisily) check e-mails for the balance of the afternoon (so far).

You may very well read the rest of this story in tomorrow's Police Beat section of the local newspaper...

UPDATE: We can now add to the repertoire some sort of bizarre breathing exercise defined by repeatedly exhaling loudly through his nose for minutes on end. I shudder to think of what could possibly be next.