When Baby Shampoo Just Doesn't Do It

I just saw a TV commercial for Restasis®. It's "the only prescription eye drop for increasing tear production."

I'm not an opthalmologist, but I would imagine that any product with these side effects would increase tear production:

The most common side effect is a burning sensation. Other side effects include eye redness, discharge, watery eyes, eye pain, foreign body sensation, itching, stinging and blurred vision.

Yes, that's right...crying increases tear production. People without a prescription drug benefit may also consider the following "dry eye" remedies:

• slicing onions
• pepper spray
• abandoning a favorite pet, or loved one
• volunteering for a poke in the eye

Sure, they may be not supported by fancy clinical studies, most of these kinds of home remedies are still available without a prescription, thus saving one from the needless embarrassment of visiting one's eye-care professional.

"The burning is love!"