Holmgren Charged In Post-game Murder

Seattle - In a bizarre and unexpected post-game ritual, Seattle Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren charged onto the playing field, seized the first exuberant Seahawks fan he could find and crushed his skull with his bare hands. Ted Farley, known to his friends as "Peanut Ted," was pronounced dead at the 33-yard line.

"Ted was the biggest 'hawks fan that I knew," said his longtime friend and fellow season-ticket holder, Phil Sacks. "He was so excited when the clock ticked down to zero, he just wanted to give Coach Holmgren a big hug. I couldn't believe when Holmgren grabbed him like a vise with those big paws. I was speechless."

Asked why Farley was referred to as "Peanut Ted," Sacks informed TGOM that "Ted had this tiny head. Well, he was only about five-three as it was, but he had this tiny head. Maybe that's why Holmgren picked him out, I don't know. It's just messed up.

Holmgren, meanwhile, was placed under arrest and taken to King County Jail, where he was released after the team posted $100,000 bond. No date has been set for his arraignment.

"It's just the most bizarre circumstance we've had to face after a game," said King County Sheriff Blaine Cocksworth. "We usually focus on crowd control, especially after a big playoff game like this. You don't expect the mayhem to come from the players or coaching staff."

When asked if the Sheriff's Department would handle post-game security differently because of the incident, Cocksworth was not certain. "Well, this seems like a one-off to me, but the NFL can be faddish. I hope this isn't something that catches on, like endzone dances or spiking the ball. That could be trouble.

Holmgren gets Farley in a death grip.